What Say Thee?

Beginning is the hardest bit. A way in. “Hello”, “hey”, “how’s ya?” “Hi” all seem equally trite and meaningless but the line has to begin somewhere. How long did Rome actually take to build anyway? I guess “Hello” is what I mean most of the time. “Hello there you out there from me in here”. Anyway, That’s the hard bit. Most of the time I have something I want to say and I stand like a frigid man across the bar from a beautiful girl (you), too afraid to say anything first, incase the first thing I say makes you turn your back on me. I would stare at my feet for a minute and then fumble for a phone, or gum or anything to keep me occupied while I planned my swift exit from the building. Beam me the fuck out of here Scottie. Trapdoor anyone?

On the other hand though, I would advise my friends to say something, anything, just don’t say nothing. It’s so much worse to miss out on something by saying nothing. A conduit to an utterance is always easier but rarely there when you want it most. “Excuse me, your handbag is in my soup.”

I know that I’ll go back to all the “hellos” and “heys” once this is out and I will find my way back to saying it without being to conscious of it. What else is there? If I were a dog, I could perhaps employ the art of sniffing you from behind and you would oblige my curiosity by arching your back. I would of course find this blog hard to write with paws instead of fingers but there’s always a way. If Monkeys can write Shakespeare god-dammit then I can get you to talk to me - even if I am K9.

Maybe we could try the bi-directional approach? Don’t sit there on your bar stool and let me wither into a small dried up, used Christmas tree, shedding needles at your feet waiting for the tinder to send a spark my way and make me disappear into a gentle grey plume by your face. “What was that?” you’ll say, “Smoke indoors?”. Tell me what you want. Let’s make this thing work. Would you like a drink? With twiddling thumbs and a blush at the ready, I await your response.